Thursday, November 1, 2007

The beautiful bond

Craig gazed at the sunset and basked in his own self-pity. In his hand, lays a single white frosted bakery cupcake crowned by a single small candle. Only the solitary marker and the cup cake had celebrated his birthday. This really irked him. Everyone else have their own birthdays. Even his younger brothers had rather garish affairs. What did he get for his birthday? Absolutely nothing, not even a single utterance of “Happy Birthday, Craig”
Just because he was a foster-child doesn’t mean that they should treat him like rubbish.
Did his FAMILY care about him? That was the question, and in his mind all signs pointed to no. They couldn’t give a damn about him, or what he felt.

He was a tough boy, but only a human, never a moment’s happiness, no matter how he tried to gain some respect and love from his family, all he received was neglect. He surely wanted to escape and live on his own, but they were his only family. That is what made it just that much more pathetic. With family like his, you’d rather have enemies. With a sigh, he encourages himself with the hope of a brighter tomorrow where his life might suddenly be transformed into a peace and a joy. Unfortunately, this is just an imagination, not a thing to happen….

“Oh, fuck it” grumbled the disgruntled youth as he cast way the cupcake. With an instant sentiment for a drink, headed off to a pub.

The youth slowly slipped though the door of the pub and peeped inside at the interior. Someone might have put huge efforts to make this place look like an American style tavern.
“Time to get smashed” He murmured to himself.
He walked over to the bar and sat down, “Hey, Gimme something strong!!”
The barkeep, with a charismatic glance, low down his voice towards Craig.
“You look too old to be in here, Kid”
“I am 19” mumbled Craig.
“Well, then come back next year when you become 20” The old barkeep firmly stated.

With a scowl on his face, Craig started back outside, pushing his way through the crowded bar. He never got a break.

Buffy sighed herself as she gazed across the bar of Jack’s, her personal haunt.
This place has become her regular pub where she drinks away her pain ever since the day her lover, Angel got killed. Buffy headed to this bar to relieve her indescribable pain, with a slight expectation of meeting up with someone special for the night. So that for a moment, she could have a connection with another human being.

She felt all alone ever since Angel had gone.

Buffy was thrown out of her emotional monologue by a sharp impact as some one knocked into her shoulder. The impact upset the balance of her barstool, and sent her flying backwards.
She opened her weary eyes wide, and looked directly into a gorgeous pair of grey-blue orbs. Eyes which mirrored her own suffering.
“Err…I am sorry, I didn’t mean to knock you over,” muttered the young man who owned the eyes, as he helped Buffy back to her feet.

Buffy blushed. She knew that there was something about this young man which deliberately made her feel in need to stop him from going away.
She grabbed him tight. “Wait a second; I would like to offer you a drink”
“…I just got kicked out because I am legally under the age of drinking” said Craig.
Buffy shrugged; sat back down and pulled Craig onto the stool next to her “Let me handle it” she turned to her barkeeper and said “Hey, Jack! Two shots of whisky. One for me, and one for my friend here!”
The old keeper shot Buffy a sour look. “Buff, you know that I can’t serve…….”
In a sarcastic tone, Buffy said “Just give me the damn drink would ya?”
“Don’t forget that you are responsible for this consequences” moaned the old bartender.

As soon the drink was served, Buffy poured the alcohol to Craig.
“Drink up!!! My friend” said Buffy in an overwhelming tone of excitement.
“What’s your name anyway?” asked Craig to break away from an awkward mood.
“Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, I am Buffy, yours?”
“Craig” replied the young man

With a bewildered look, Craig asked “Are you alright? If you don’t mind of me
asking…” For some strange reason, he wanted to build a relationship with this pretty girl who conceals her secrets of grief within herself.

Buffy froze for a moment, lost in thought “There was a young man named “Angel” who I have shared a love with, but Angel’s sudden death took away my life. He was my everything…I can’t forgive them, I will never forgive them”
“Forgive who?” asked Craig.
“The vampires, I don’t know what they do with these people, and the people who were kidnapped never returns.” With tears streaming down onto her face, she utters in a soft voice.
“Oh……….” murmured Craig with a slight regret of asking.
“It’s alright….so… what happen to you?” asked Buffy.
“I was grown up as a foster child in a normal family….”Mumbled Craig.
“Oh…you don’t have to say it. I understand..,” said Buffy.
“Thanks….I’m not in the mood to talk about it. But, you’ve had been hurt so much more than me” said Craig.

It was at that moment that their drinks were filled. With a smile, Buffy slowly lifted her shot as did Craig. The brown haired Buffy held her drink towards Craig, and with a look of irony on her face, she said, “Here’s to misery and the good company it brings!”

Craig chucked and bumped his glass against hers. “Cheers!!”

Through slightly hazed vision, Craig looked over the young woman at his side. Damn she was hot. She was even nice too, they could actually sympathise with each other’s problems. That in its self was something rare. She might be just what he was looking for…..

“Buffy?” Craig said.
“Yeah?” Buffy replied.
Craig’s eye narrowed slightly and he smiled with a glance. “You want to stop by my place, hang out for a while, and maybe have some fun?”

The invite has shocked Buffy clear out of her drunken haze and with a look of panic on Buffy’s face slowly rose into a sly little smile. In a love, sure of herself voice she said “Sure thing”

It was then when a humongous figure of shadow drew nearer upon them.
“Buffy” a grainy tone have faded the tension away from them.
“An….angel?” said buffy with a real shocked look on her face, accompanied with soft tears running down her cheeks as the voice reminded her of her ex lover.
“I came here to save you” whispered that little voice into her ears.
“……but, I thought u were dead!!” said Buffy, as she was crying.
“Come with me now” Just as angel grabbed angel’s hand, Craig stepped forward to protect angel.

“Angel, no!! He is not here to save; he is here to kill you!” interfered Craig.
“……This couldn’t be happening…” said Buffy as the massive shock caused her so much stress that she went into a comma, and therefore collapsing onto the ground.

Just as Angel tried to take Buffy away, Craig punched him away with his strong fist
“Don’t touch her.” Mumbled Craig, as he was acting tough to scare angel away. “You were killed from the vampires, and now you became a vampire trying to kill Buffy” and right after he said that, there was a very weird glare in Angel’s eyes that was followed by tears of blood filling his face, just before he vanished into thin air…..

When Craig got nearby his car to drive to the hospital to see Buffy, he saw a very disturbing black cat that had the same glare as Angel; he tried to get the cat away from his car, only to realise that his car was burning down.

He decided not to worry about it and take a taxi, he asked the driver to go extra fast, and then the driver turns around and says “that might kill you” said angel as he was disguised as the taxi driver. At that moment Craig realised that his only option was to get out of the car as quickly as possible. As he closed the car door he realised that he dropped his beer in the car spilling it all over the carpet. And then he quickly lit one his matches and chucked it in side the car while he was holding the drivers door making sure that Angel’s time comes to an end.

Rushing through the hospital after he decided to run all the way there, Craig decides to stop by and grab a bouquet of flowers from the flower shop. Craig runs to Buffy’s room and trips and falls over and crushes the flowers which makes Buffy giggle hard as she was awake.

“Are you all right?” Asked Buffy as she was still laughing

“Oh I am ok.” Replies Craig as he was blushing.

“Are you all right?” asked Craig looking at Buffy.

With half- opened eyes, Buffy opens her mouth, “Thank you, I owe you everything.”

“What for?” Chris asks

“For saving me from this…If I hadn’t met you there at the pub, I would have died”

“NO, thank you” replies Chris.

“What for?” Buffy asks.

“For showing me the best time I ever had last night.” Says Chris, just before he kisses Buffy passionately.

6 comments:

Seung Hee said...

OOps! I made a mystake!! so sorry..
at the last paragraph, I wrote
Chris instead of craig-

so sorry my mystake!
hope you understand!: )

Ashleigh L said...

Hi Sueng Hee. Well some feedback on your fanfiction. Again you havent really decided wether your fanfiction is in the past or present text which makes it confusing for the readers as they dont understand which text you are trying to put it in.
Now again there are many grammar errors that you need to look at, some of them I stated to you before but havent been corrected from your last fanfiction.There are little things like:
had that should be changed to have.
just that much more pathetic - it should be That is what made it even more pathetic.
Also another one is: Somone might have put huge efforts to - it should be: Someone might have put a lot of effort to.
Do you see that what you wrote only makes it confusing to the readers as they dont understand what you mean.
Also again i stated to yuo in your last fanfiction post that you said "You look too old to be in here, kid" and he says "I am 19".
This is confusing because if he is 19 then he is too young to be in a pub and you say this later in your writing that he is too young to drink in a bar so why have you wrote that the barkeeper has said he is too old to be in the bar.
There are also other little thing they need to be looked at with the grammar of your writing but I'm not going to write about all of it as I have other stuff to do.
Hope this helps you...
Ashleigh

Ashleigh L said...

P.S. Some more pictures would have been good so the readers could create the scene your fanfiction is sent in!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Seung Hee,
I really liked your opening paragraphs, I thought they were really good and descriptive, but the rest of the story was a little bit confusing. You have quite a few mistakes throughout the story, like Ashleigh pointed out. And again you havent focused on your tenses, as sometimes you talk in the past and other times in the present. Unfortunatly I personally didnt find the ending of the story that interesting, it didnt really reach a "climax" as such, you couldve come up with a really exciting ending for that story or just been more descriptive, if you understand what I mean. You also didnt really make it clear to us what the society is like in the story, because from what i know about Buffy she doesnt talk about vampires to anyone apart from the "scooby gang". But again we dont know whether the story is actually based around Buffy. I think this story has a lot of potential if you just go through and fix a few bits it could be a really amazing story.

Anonymous said...

Also... I agree with Ashleigh, get some real good pictures cause they will make the story more understandable i think... also I thought Buffy was a blonde??

rebelde said...

Hi Seung Hee,
I read your final version of your story and I could see that some of the mistakes and observations i made earlier are still there.Those observations had as a purpose to make your story easier to be understood by readers.
EG.
-all he received was NEGLECT
-life transformed into A peace and A joy
-American style tavern? ( I don't know if such name or style exist)
- You are too OLD (isn't him underage for drinking ?)
- A SHOT is a serve, a measure of a liquor.
Anyway, we all make mistakes when we write and we do not realize of those mistakes until somebody else point it to us
: )