OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNES
I have changed my idea for my Fanfiction. I will now be writing a new epsiode for the New Zealand T.V. programme Outrageous Fortunes. I have many ideas at this point about what I am going to do. Some of them include making one of the West women pregnant, Van turning to God to try and connect with Aurora,making someone from the past coming back to visit. I also might change the setting for this epiosde. I am also thinking about telling the episode from one persons perspective and how they see thing running or happening within the West Family.
What do you guys think about my new idea?
14 comments:
Hey guys this is just a Part A and a draft soI could get some feedback on what you guys think about it and whether its ok??
Please give me any feedback you want. A Part B of the episode is getting written at the moment!
Ashleigh Lack
Hi Ashleigh,
It's good to see that you're getting on with your writing on the Outrageous Fortunes.
It's a very interesting story as it relates well to some people's way of talking and behaving (way of life) in west Auckland. I guess I know that pretty well (although I don't agree with it), as I live in west Auckland; and obviously, being in a lower class neighbourhood I have some neighbours (not all of them) who talk and behave in the manner described in the plot. But for our children's sake, there are many families who are hard working, complaisant with morals and good standards.
I think you're doing just fine with the characters' speech (lower class language if you like). However, I shall mention that you need to be a little more precise with the punctuation - as it will be easier for the readers to grasp the story; otherwise brilliant!
thanks for the feedback. Could you please give me an example of what I need to do with my punctuation please?As im a little unsure of what you mean I need to fix!
Hi Ashleigh,
I hope what I am going to say will be of some help.
First, I would like to say that it's not only the punctuation that needs care; but also the English grammar, spelling, choice of vocabulary and consistency with your writing. Without these devices/tools, one cannot write well.
For example, your reply was:
'thanks for the feedback...'
I would write:
Thanks for the feedback. Could you please give me an example of what I need to do with my punctuation? As I'm a little unsure of what you mean I need to correct.
E.g.'Loretta awoke...sick. Running to the bathroom, she proceeds to hurl up last night's dinner.'
E.g. 'Pascall who happened to walk past the toilet, saw...shrieked. Oh no, you're not pregnant, are you?'
E.g. 'Loretta think to herself. Its mums bloody cooking last night.'
It has to be: Loretta thinks or thought to herself. It was mum's bloody cooking last night.
You could say: it's mum's bloody cooking. But once you wrote last night, that means the verb has to be in the past simple tense.
Remember: mum's dinner is the dinner made by mum, her dinner. So, you have to use the "'s" (Anglo-Saxon genitive)to indicate possession. Another case is the contraction of the pronoun and the verb, i.e. it is = it's, which is different from the possessive pronoun "its". Do you see how confusing it is for the readers?
Ashleigh, I think the whole of the first part of your fanfiction needs revision; however, it has already been posted. So, I think it's better to work on the second part and try to avoid the same errors.
Allow me to recommend a couple of books to you:
How to Punctuate by Richard Palmer.
The Good Grammar by Richard Palmer.
The AUT Library has one of them if not both; otherwise you can try your local library.
I have read these books and they are very helpful.
Hi Ashleigh,
I think your story/idea has been written very well and you have definatly kept to the theme of Outrageous Fortune. I disagree with what you say, Yasodhara, i dont know if youve watched the show but they dont talk in proper english, its more slang and informal with a lot of swearing. I think ashleigh has done a good job of sticking to that type of language. I think its really cool and shows your on a similar track to the real writers of Outrageous Fortunes as your storyline became part of the program! You could have a future writing for Outrageous Fortunes.. hehe..
I am looking forward to the second part of your story.
Ashlee Brice
Hi everyone,
As I've said before, I think Ashleigh's plot is brilliant! It describes awfully well the lower class language and behaviour of some people in west Auckland. And I think you should continue with the second part.
Ashleigh, you have potential as a writer, as long as we can read and understand what you write (be it popular or classic writing). You do have the ability to create a plot; you only need to polish this ability by improving your English grammar, punctuation, spelling, choice of vocabulary (choose your words carefully) and consistency/coherence.
It is very difficult for the readers to grasp the story if the punctuation is out of order. A writer has to separate the clauses in the sentences by using commas, colons, semi-colons, full stops, parenthesis/brackets, hyphens as etc.
Regarding the spelling, remember that a word spelt incorrectly can sometimes become a different word; and therefore will change the meaning of what you wanted to say. Do not forget to edit your writing before you post it.
Thanks for you feedback Ashleigh, I am glad I am doing it right! Yeah it was so funny to notice that the producers also made Loretta pregnant on the show only a few weeks after I posted my fanfiction online! Maybe I should consider doing film scripts haha..
Thanks for your ffedback yasodhara. The post I had put up was only a draft so I could get feedback from you guys and Paul before I posted my final piece and to see whether I was on the right track with my fanficiton story.
I will soon be posting a final fanfiction story for Outrageous Fortunes with Part A and B included where I will take your feeback into consideration and maybe look at getting those books out that you told me about.
Whoops!Spelt the Ashlee wrong! I spelt it my way but I was writing a comment back to Ashlee B..
Sorry guys a bit confusing with the two Ashleigh's in our group!!
Hi Ashleigh,
I would like to give you my feed back of your writing.First of all , I will not extend myself on spelling mistakes because that is something that can be easily improved as I mention earlier in another post. I must say that, I have never watched this serie and therefore, I'm not familiar with the story nor the characters. However, by reading the comments I understand is about people of a certain social status who has a particular way to speak and behave.
Considering the challenge of the task which implies to write "a fanfiction in only 1200 words";I think, we have to either, approach the task by developing the plot and restict description or on the contrary,concentrate specifically in some scene and give priority to description and details rather than development of the plot.I feel that you have choosen the second approach and therefore, there is no much happenning in terms of the plot development but your text is very rich in descriptions of the characters and the settings of the action.Reading your text is very easy to imagine the characters and how they move around and perform.To me, it feels as a screenplay that in contrast to the conventions, it includes emotion related descriptions and is not following the traditional written format.I think you have done a good job if you have aimed to concentrate specifically in creating a very rich setting and character portrait, as a scene which is part of a whole tv serie.
Hi Ashleigh,
Are you going to remove part A and post part A and B as a whole story or just post part B?
How do we remove part A from the screen?
I'm ready to post part B but I want to remove part A and print A and B together.
Can you help me? Thanks.
Hi yasodhara. what i am going to do is just upload A and B together as one saying that it is my final. I think you should leave the draft for A there so Paul can look at it when he marks it because it has all the comments with it we have made to you etc. Leaving A there will not matter because it is quite down in the page now and it will also show how you have taken our feeback and maybe changed things. Do you get what I mean??does this help you at all??
Hi Ashleigh,
I think your story/idea has been written very well and you have definatly kept to the theme of Outrageous Fortune. I like the wy how you have used some slang words to make it more interesting and funny...
I agree with what Ashleigh b has stated about how writing type shows on a similar track to the real writers of Outrageous Fortunes !!! :)
Thanks very much for your help, Ashleigh. I think it's a good idea to leave part A there and just upload A and B together as one.
Marvelous! I shall do that very soon.
Bye for now.
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